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Stoep Chat

’s weekly stories, observations and conversations from Knysna and beyond.

16 April 2020

Two Lockdowns: Beer on the Lawn, or Head in Hands

Nearing the end of the third week of lockdown and I am thinking about the people who read this Stoep Chat, and how different their circumstances may be. You could be sitting out on…

Nearing the end of the third week of lockdown and I am thinking about the people who read this Stoep Chat, and how different their circumstances may be. You could be sitting out on the lawn, sipping a beer until your braai fire is just right for those thick steaks. Your freezer and fridge are full. Your salary is still coming in as you sit back and relax. Or you could be sitting with your head in your hands, using precious phone data to scroll through Action Ads in the hopes of finding any kind of help. You have had…

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9 April 2020

Halfway Through Lockdown, Spare a Thought for the Medics

We are more than halfway through the national 21-day lockdown, and life for most of us has settled into a kind of slow rhythm. Not for health workers of course, who are out there…

We are more than halfway through the national 21-day lockdown, and life for most of us has settled into a kind of slow rhythm. Not for health workers of course, who are out there in the thick of it. I think everyone feels for them, in particular for the medics in really stricken places like Italy where 96 doctors have already died of the coronavirus. It is horrible seeing their exhausted faces on TV, desperate but resigned to carrying on, because what else can they do? I can see why Italians started coming out onto their balconies at night to…

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2 April 2020

Having Lunch Together, Loudly, Across the Distance

Lockdown. Who would have thought? In some ways it still feels like science fiction. In other ways it is astonishing how quickly we are adapting to staying at home to “flatten the curve” of…

Lockdown. Who would have thought? In some ways it still feels like science fiction. In other ways it is astonishing how quickly we are adapting to staying at home to “flatten the curve” of the new coronavirus. For instance, I have just come in from a new way of “having lunch” with neighbours here in Kalk Bay. At 1pm we move onto balconies and back gardens with our salads or saamies, and have lunch “together” by chatting rather loudly across the distance. We share news and views, good and bad. Today I heard from one that she had just got…

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26 March 2020

Thank Goodness for Name Tags at the Reunion

Don’t know if any of you go to school reunions. I don’t normally, but when I got the invitation I felt the milestone coming up warranted it. My word, it was a strange feeling…

Don’t know if any of you go to school reunions. I don’t normally, but when I got the invitation I felt the milestone coming up warranted it. My word, it was a strange feeling to be back in that old school hall where we seemed to have spent a lifetime a few decades ago. I swear those were the same blue curtains on the stage. It was really great seeing my old matric classmates, but thank goodness we had name tags because I am not sure we would have recognised each other. But once you see the name, the teenager…

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19 March 2020

Hand Sanitizer at the Workshop Door

Took my car to the workshop this week and the manager beckoned me into his office. “Hold out your hands,” he said, and then squirted them with a big bottle of hand sanitizer. I…

Took my car to the workshop this week and the manager beckoned me into his office. “Hold out your hands,” he said, and then squirted them with a big bottle of hand sanitizer. I was quite tickled. I think of workshops as dirty, and there he was cleaning hands of customers. Shows how the coronavirus protection message is getting across to people. It is good to know that you can kill COVID-19 – the virus responsible for the coronavirus pandemic - on your hands by simply washing them with ordinary soap and water for 20 seconds, and doing so frequently.…

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12 March 2020

A Concert of the People, by the People

It was a concert “of the people, by the people, for the people” – and what a jol it was. It was the annual Concert in the Park in Kalk Bay, held for the…

It was a concert “of the people, by the people, for the people” – and what a jol it was. It was the annual Concert in the Park in Kalk Bay, held for the 20th year running to raise funds to maintain the tiny local park. Some Garden Routers who did the “Argus” cycle tour last Sunday may even have been there, as the concert is always held on the cycle race day. And perhaps it is something you can take back to your own communities to emulate. From one perspective it is simply a fun day of live music,…

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5 March 2020

A Zuma Moment with Knysna’s Numbers

My jaw dropped at Knysna’s special council meeting last week when councillors were asked to approve an overdraft facility of R2-billion. Good grief! We knew there were money problems, but this could not be…

My jaw dropped at Knysna’s special council meeting last week when councillors were asked to approve an overdraft facility of R2-billion. Good grief! We knew there were money problems, but this could not be right. Well, it wasn’t. The municipality was just having a Zuma moment with numbers. They wanted an overdraft of R20 million, but the amount that flashed up on the overhead screen was R20 000 million. The special meeting was to approve an adjusted 2019/20 budget because of the municipality’s “cash-flow crisis’. The overdraft is inevitable to get them out of the dwang, but doesn’t it make…

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27 February 2020

Oom Apie, the Woodcutter of Diepwalle

Sitting around chatting last week, a friend reminded me about Oom Apie, an old Knysna woodcutter I had once interviewed. It made me smile to remember, but also regretful because I had nev…

Sitting around chatting last week, a friend reminded me about Oom Apie, an old Knysna woodcutter I had once interviewed. It made me smile to remember, but also regretful because I had never written it up, and I now have forgotten so much. It was back in the early 80s. I had heard much about Knysna’s woodcutters from my mother and grandparents, and they intrigued me. I wanted to chat to one of them about the old days. What a lovely man Oom Apie was. He lived at Diepwalle. I went with Action Ads’ Julie and Hanlie and we just…

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20 February 2020

Two matters emerged at special meeting of Knysna

Council last week that were both important and exasperating. One is that the council suspended the new municipal manager. I can almost hear you groan. The other is that the Knysna N2 bypass was…

Council last week that were both important and exasperating. One is that the council suspended the new municipal manager. I can almost hear you groan. The other is that the Knysna N2 bypass was raised again after more than 40 years of back and forth proposals and rejections of where it should go and whether Knysna wanted it or not. I cannot get my head around the endless problems with the position of municipal manager at Knysna. What gives? Grant Easton resigned from this position in 2017 while he was facing a disciplinary hearing on misconduct charges. His successor, Kam…

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13 February 2020

Thirty Years Since Mandela Walked Free

It is 30 years this week since Nelson Mandela was released from prison on 11 February 1990, an historic occasion that everyone remembers – including where they were and what they were doing. Many…

It is 30 years this week since Nelson Mandela was released from prison on 11 February 1990, an historic occasion that everyone remembers – including where they were and what they were doing. Many of you would have watched it on television. Some of you might have been at the Grand Parade in Cape Town where thousands gathered to hear the first words Mandela spoke publically after 27 years in prison: “Friends, comrades and fellow South Africans, I greet you all in the name of peace, democracy and freedom for all. I stand before you not as a prophet, but…

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30 January 2020

Circus Cats, and the Van Stadens of Groot Marico

The news that 17 lions and tigers had been rescued from a circus in Guatemala and released into South Africa got me thinking about circuses, and I remembered a story I had heard in…

The news that 17 lions and tigers had been rescued from a circus in Guatemala and released into South Africa got me thinking about circuses, and I remembered a story I had heard in Groot Marico. It was back in 1984 while I was doing a feature on the people of Groot Marico, a small town made famous by the writer Herman Charles Bosman. I was told that there were many people in Groot Marico with the surname Van Staden. This caused confusion, so the townsfolk gave some of them nicknames. One fellow was nicknamed “Oom Sirkus” van Staden. The…

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23 January 2020

How Atom Bombs Catch Whisky Swindlers

Who would have thought there would be a useful scientific connection between whisky and atom bombs? Turns out there is. Apparently atom bombs have given scientists a way of dating whisky, which allows them…

Who would have thought there would be a useful scientific connection between whisky and atom bombs? Turns out there is. Apparently atom bombs have given scientists a way of dating whisky, which allows them to expose swindlers that claim their hooch is 150 years old, when in fact it is less than 20. I found this interesting information in a summarised article from the science journal Nature. You probably have heard of radiocarbon dating that archaeologists use to date organic materials they dig up like wood or bone. It is effective for dating items up to 50,000 years old. Basically…

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16 January 2020

Our Human-Wildlife Conflict Was Mice

Started the New Year with some human/wildlife conflict here at the family holiday house. A big issue globally, but ours was small: mice. There were mice droppings everywhere, even inside the stove. There were…

Started the New Year with some human/wildlife conflict here at the family holiday house. A big issue globally, but ours was small: mice. There were mice droppings everywhere, even inside the stove. There were teeth marks on the soap and mice poo in my bed. My brother shook out his duvet and sent a mouse flying. Some gnawed through plastic containers to get at food. I am happy to live with a bit of wildlife in the house, but like most humans, I have a threshold of tolerance. Mine was when I found teeth marks on my cell phone charger.…

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19 December 2019

When Christmas Was Banned in England

Christmas is a time of happiness and excitement for children, those lucky enough to have families with the means to supply the presents, the festive food, the Christmas trees. Strange to think that Christmas…

Christmas is a time of happiness and excitement for children, those lucky enough to have families with the means to supply the presents, the festive food, the Christmas trees. Strange to think that Christmas festivities were once banned in England. We always had real Christmas trees, and I can even remember some of the decorations that came out every year, like the pink and silver glass bird with a long filament tail. Mostly we had Christmas in Cape Town, but when we were younger we had Christmas in Knysna at my grandparents’ old Victorian house, Fair View, where I was…

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12 December 2019

Load-Shedding’s Unexpected Silver Lining

Load-shedding can drive you mad, can’t it? Plus it costs the economy billions. But every blackout has a silver lining. You are probably too angry or frustrated to hear that right now, because you…

Load-shedding can drive you mad, can’t it? Plus it costs the economy billions. But every blackout has a silver lining. You are probably too angry or frustrated to hear that right now, because you can’t cook dinner, the Wi-Fi is off, your office has come to a standstill and there is no ice for your whisky. So here is the silver lining: load shedding means a big reduction in our carbon emissions. That is something to celebrate for South Africans who have one of the highest per capita carbon emissions in the world. Okay, I know many will say *%#^…

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5 December 2019

The Boy in the Rock Pool Who Gets It

Swimming in rough seas always brings out the child in me. We were in a False Bay rock pool during spring tide last week, laughing as the waves crashed over the wall and swirled…

Swimming in rough seas always brings out the child in me. We were in a False Bay rock pool during spring tide last week, laughing as the waves crashed over the wall and swirled us backwards. A group of young boys jumped in and we were all having a whale of a time. Then I felt something against my hand and pulled up a plastic bag. “Ah no,” I said. “More plastic pollution.” One of the boys replied: “Yes aunty, fish can eat that and can die. Their stomachs get full of plastic.” I looked at him a little surprised.…

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